Monday, January 15, 2007

Notice To All Staff Regarding Language

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
However, we do realise the importance of staff being able to express properly their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Communications and Planning Department has compiled a list of code phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risking offense to our more sensitive co-workers.

The old phrase will be in bold, the new phrase in italics.

No fucking way - I'm fairly sure that's feasable
You're fucking kidding me - Really
Tell someone who gives a fuck - Have you run that by.....?
No prick told me - I wasn't involved in this project
Who fucking cares - Are you sure that's a problem?
Eat shit and die - You don't say
Eat shit and die, motherfucker - You don't say, Sir.
Kiss my arse - So, you'd like me to help you?
He's a fucking prick - He's somewhat insensitive
She's a ball busting bitch - She's an agressive go-getter
You haven't a fucking clue - You could use some more training
This place is fucked - We're a little disorganised today
What sort of fuckwit are you? - You're new here, aren't you?
Fuck off, shithead - Well, there you go
You're a fucking wanker - You're my supervisor and I respect you
Ha, suck eggs - I wasn't there that day
You're fucking paranoid - So, you're from Sydney
You're fucking useless - So, you're from Melbourne
Fuck off - I'll look into it and get back to you
Fuck off, you dickhead - I no longer require your assistance
How do you get this piece of shit to work - I can't use the photocopier
You fucking loser - Gee, that was unfortunate

1 comment:

nenni said...

one of these days, I'm going to try and not say/type the word fuck. How long do you think I can last? lol