Monday, February 26, 2007

Joke of the day

A 95 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample.

He turns up 2 days later with the jar empty

Nurse asks "Why no sample?"
He says "Sorry, but I tried with my right hand and then my left. My wife tried with both hands, her mouth, then with her teeth in and with them out. Ethel from next door tried but it was all no good. We just could not get the fucking lid off the jar!"

79th Academy Awards - The Results

Here are the results of the 79th Academy Awards that took place lastnight at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles.

Best picture
WINNER: The Departed
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen

Best director
WINNER: Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Clint Eastwood, Letters From Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears, The Queen
Paul Greengrass, United 93
Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu, Babel

Best actor
WINNER: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole, Venus
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness

Best actress
WINNER: Helen Mirren, The Queen
Penelope Cruz, Volver
Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

Best animated feature film
WINNER: Happy Feet
Monster House

Best visual effects
WINNER: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Superman Returns

You can read the rest of the results here.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

What piffle !

Before anyone says anything about me using the word piffle..

Foolish or futile talk or ideas; nonsense.

Got that over and done with.

After spending over a month stuck at my mothers, I finally got to go home this tuesday passed. It was bliss! I could do what I want, not clean up, slob about and I got to sit on a comfy seat while surfing the t'internet. My dream was then snatched from me like a kid with a Mr Potato Head stolen by the school bullies. I had to come back to my mums 2 days after getting home because the car she bought decided to die on her. Just like her other jeep AND my little car that she broke.

It was clear to see that I was not impressed and after bitching about it I was told "You should feel lucky to be going back to your mums. At least you'll get proper meals." WHAT PIFFLE!! The only reason I get proper cooked meals here is because I end up cooking them. "You'll enjoy yourself at your mums. You always say you do." again...WHAT PIFFLE!! I enjoy myself here when I have transport but because my mum is always working, she has the car. So what do I have to do? I have to sit inside the house that's in the middle of the country and watch after the puppy from hell, I have to feed the chickens from hell and then clean up the house from hell. Where's the fun in that, I ask ya?

I'm going home on tuesday no matter what anyone says. I'm going into see a great movie on wednesday (reviewed a few posts below), I have a hospital appointment I cant miss and I want to sleep in my own bed. Can anyone blame me? Would anyone sue me for wanting to be alone in my own flat, in my own bed, on my own computer and on my comfy chair? NO. NO ONE CAN and if anyone would like to try, I'd say bring it on. Annoying a Scottish girl with no transport is like you sticking a mars bar in your arse and running past a rottweiler, for it then to chase you down the road. That's just asking for trouble

80's Movies

I'm not losing the tradition of posting 80's movie clips from youtube. For your past enjoyment I had posted clips of Monster squad, Pump up the Volume (before anyone says anything. I know it was from the 90's but it's very close to the 80's. So hush it!) and just a few days ago I posted Beetlejuice for you all.

This clip now comes from the 1987 movie called Adventures in Babysitting. Written by Chris Columbus and staring Elizabeth Shue, Keith Coogan and Anthony Rapp, this movie focuses on Chris Parker (Shue) being stuck babysitting after her date is canceled. After her friend, Brenda, calls begging to be picked up from the bus station, Chris and the kids head into the city only to be met with car problems and then the problem of staying alive after being caught up in the middle of a mafia deal all because of a Playboy magazine. Full of comedy, chases and teenage crushes, this movie is a great 80's icon movie.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Movie Review - Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz
Directed by: Edger Wright
Written by: Edger Wright, Simon Pegg
Staring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Bill Nighy and Jim Broadbent
Plotline: Nicholas Angel is the finest cop London has to offer. He's so good, he makes everyone else look bad. As a result, Angel's superiors send him to a place where his talents won't be quite so embarrassing - the sleepy and seemingly crime-free village of Sandford. Once there, he is partnered with the well-meaning but overeager police officer Danny Butterman, who is a huge action movie fan and believes his new big-city partner might just be a real-life "bad boy," and his chance to experience the life of gunfights and car chases he so longs for. As a series of grisly accidents rocks the village, Angel is convinced that Sandford is not what it seems and he's out to clean up the mess.

This movie is made by the same guys who brought us Shaun of the Dead and if you've seen that movie then you'll LOVE Hot Fuzz. This movie is full of laughs, car chases, gunfights and twists. It's a must see for any comedy fan. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost don't disappoint the audience with their acting and comedy skills. There's not one wooden performance. Which makes it all the more watchable because you don't get bored half way through. I thought with the movie being 2 hours long that I would be praying for the end to come. In fact...I was praying for it to never end. I loved it. The only negative thing I can say about the movie is that there's too much of the fast sequence scenes that were made famous in Shaun of the Dead. I felt a few of them werent needed but I didn't let that cloud my judgement on the movie as a whole.

Highly enjoyable and most likely to become a cult success as Shaun of the Dead became. So enjoyable that I'm going into see it for a second time next week!! I'd give this movie a rating of 9/10

Sunday, February 18, 2007

80's Movies

Just thought I would post a scene from one of my all time favourite movies called Beetlejuice. Made in 1988 and directed by Tim Burton, starring Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin and Winona Ryder, this movie keeps you in laughs from start to finish.

It's about a couple who have recently died and their struggle to come to terms with the family from New York who have bought their house and changed everything. They contact a bio-exorcist called Beetlejuice in an attempt to rid their new england farmhouse of the yuppie family, The Deetzs. This is one movie I love Michael Keaton in and it's blasphemy if you've not yet seen it. Watch this clip and then head out to the nearest store that sells dvds and BUY IT! If you dont like my recommendation of the movie, then come back and let me know and I'll eat my e-words. Enjoy

*EDIT on 29th Aug 2007: Vid changed due to other vid no longer being on youtube

An evening with Derek Acorah

My Valentines was spent at a show called An evening with Derek Acorah, who happens to be a spirit medium here in the UK. I've never been to a night like this before and I have to say..I was impressed. He got information spot on with everyone he talked with. Just a shame he never had a message for me.

Here is the program that was for sale before the show and afterwards Derek did a signing with anyone who happened to want to wait (tick tock, tick tock) over 30 minutes. I couldn't talk that night. I had lost my voice, which seemed to please a lot of people, so all my talking had to be done by my mother.

I did, however, manage to take my own pictures of him. If no one had gone to a show like this, then you should. I know it's not for everyone but if you believe in spirit mediums, then it's something you'll enjoy. You never might get a message from a loved one who has crossed over.

My only rant about the whole night is the people who happen to go along and either don't answer the medium when he offers information to find the person who the message is for OR for the people who are lucky enough to get a message and just dont seem interested at all. I can't understand why they go if they know there's a chance he could be speaking about your loved one and they say fuck all about it. This happened a lot and it only holds up other people from having the chance of a message.

EDIT:When I said they just dont seem interested at all and wouldn't speak up - There was the women who annoyed Derek (see below)She didn't speak up after him asking her to 3 or 4 times. He was telling her things from this spirit and she was telling him "yes" "maybe" "could be". If that's the case and things arent fitting right, then she should speak up and tell him that it's not fitting right. He would either have offered her more information or tried to find the actual relative that the message is for.
Edit 2:He was calling for someone who might have had a little clue as to who would have been here to send a message. One case of a reading was that he spent 15 minutes trying to find the person who it could have been and no one said anything. Then just as he was about to ask the spirit to leave, someone piped up saying "It's me" Why did it take 15 minutes for them to say it could have been them. He was offering the same information over and over again. Yet it took someone 15 minutes to say that it was them. It was a message from their Dad. It's not like you're going to forget about your own Dad who died just 9 years before.

One women was totally stupid and she annoyed Derek enough that he just gave up. I don't blame him, to be honest. If you're going to pay £15+ for a ticket, then at least put it to good use! I'll be going back for another show if there happens to be one. Might get a message from my Dad or I might not be so lucky at all. It's a 50/50 chance.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Brits 2007 - The Results

This years Brit awards was held at Earls Court in London lastnight. Here are some of the results:-

British Male Solo Artist
WINNER: James Morrison
Jarvis Cocker
Paolo Nutini
Thom Yorke

British Female Solo Artist
WINNER: Amy Winehouse
Corinne Bailey Rae
Lily Allen
Nerina Pallot

British Album
WINNER: Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
Lily Allen - Alright Still
Muse - Black Holes & Revelations
Snow Patrol - Eyes Open

British Group
WINNER: Arctic Monkeys
Snow Patrol

British Single
WINNER: Take That - Patience
The Feeling - Fill My Little World
Razorlight - America
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Will Young - All Time Love

International Male Solo Artist
WINNER: Justin Timberlake
Bob Dylan
Damien Rice
Jack Johnson

International Female Solo Artist
WINNER: Nelly Furtado
Cat Power
Christina Aguilera

Outstanding Contribution To Music: Oasis

You can view the rest of the results here

Monday, February 12, 2007

Bafta awards 2007 - The Results

The Baftas took place yesterday at the Royal Opera House in London and I thought I would just post the results for people to see (who haven't seen them already). So here you go:-

Best Film:
WINNER: The Queen
The Last King of Scotland
The Departed
Little Miss Sunshine

Best British Film:
WINNER: The Last King of Scotland
The Queen
Casino Royale
Notes on a Scandal
United 93

Best Actor In A Leading Role:
WINNER: Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland
Daniel Craig - Casino Royale
Leonardo DiCaprio - The Departed
Peter O'Toole - Venus
Richard Griffiths - The History Boys

Best actress in a leading role
WINNER: Dame Helen Mirren - The Queen
Dame Judi Dench - Notes on a Scandal
Kate Winslet - Little Children
Penelope Cruz - Volver
Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada

You can read the rest of the results for the baftas here.

Human ass!

In our local newspaper on saturday there was a front page story about a paedophile named Steven Leisk who murdered a 9 year old in 1997.

Steven Leisk claims his human rights have been broken and now wants a cash payment. He is locked up in Peterhead prison, a victorian jail where the practice is still taking place with chemical toilets. He is one of 1,400 inmates who are making claims against the fact they are made to slop out.

In 1997, Leisk snatched Scott Simpson while he was playing football yards from Leisk's home. He strangled Scott and then dumped his body. 5 days later, little Scott was found. Leisk was jailed for life with the recommendation he serve a minimum of 25 years. But under human rights legislation the punishment was reviewed and cut to 20 years.

In my opinion, they shouldnt have any human rights! Anyone who murders someone has taken away their human rights. So why the hell should they have any?! Let them rot in jail. It's what they deserve. Prisoners seem to have a better life inside a prison than people living a normal life. Am I the only one who thinks that's fucked up? Maybe I'm old fashioned in my thinking but it should be a life for a life. They have taken it upon themselves to end someones life. Why should they carry on living a life they dont deserve?

I do, however, know about the talk of some experts who believe that killers are born to kill. They have been calling for the death penalty to be stopped so they can study these people. I don't know much on that subject because I havent read up about it but maybe that is a good idea. So we get to know and understand the way they think and why they ended up killing people.

That still doesnt stop me thinking that a life for a life is the way it should be. I'm in two minds about it, to be honest. I do think, very strongly, that they shouldnt have any human rights what so ever. Let them slop out, let them rot. It's nothing short of what they deserve.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

gay dog?

Today, I caught our black lab bitch trying to hump our ridgeback bitch' head. So not a sight I wanted to witness while trying to watch Dancing on Ice and laughing at how pathetic Stephen Gately is at skating.

Not to worry. I told Tilly that we'll still feed her and let her outside dispite her being gay. At least she didnt try to hide it!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Snow snow. everywhere I look...

Just thought I would post a picture of the NOT so lovely snow that we have here in Scotland. The level of snow comes up past your ankles. The only ones loving the snow is the dogs! Maybe if I was 10, had a sledge and warmer clothes, I would go sledging down the huge hills behind my mums house. Thank god I'm not 10 anymore. There's no sign of it letting up. I just want it to stop =(

Sunday, February 04, 2007

World's worst chat-up lines

How many have you used or have been used on you?

-Are you a parking ticket? because you've got fine written all over you
-Do you have a sticking plaster? I just scraped my knee falling for you
-If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged
-My lips are registered weapons. Do you feel lucky?
-I'm not really this tall, I'm standing on my wallet
-When God made you he was showing off
-If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together
-Now before you run off, I'm not a freak
-There must be something wrong with my eyes. I cant take them off you
-You know what? Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche
-Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes
-The thing is, you are ugly but you intrigue me
-Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
-I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you
-If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon
-Hey baby, you've got something on your eyes
-Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want or Christmas?
-Can you see my pants? Do you want to?
-Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
-Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here
-Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers
-Would you like to be unique and different? Try saying yes
-Aren't you Tony the Tiger on the frosties' box? because you look grrrreat
-Ten-tonne polar if that doesn't break the ice, nothing will
-Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
-Would you take a look at those curves? And here's me with no brakes
-I seem to have lost my phone number - can I have yours?
-Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
-Don't go in that building. The sprinklers will go off
-I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth quick
-Hey, you were great on Baywatch last night
-Good news. The test results have come back negative
-Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
-Hi. I'm Mr Right. Someone said you might have been looking for me
-You've been a bad, bad girl. Now go to my room!
-Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelit dinner later tonight?
-Hello, Cupid called. He says to tell you he needs my heart back
-Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
-Is your name Gillette? because you're the best a man can get
-Know what I like best about you, baby? You haven't CS gassed me yet
-Hi, my name is Fred Flintstone and I'm gonna make your bedrock!
-That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
-Somebody better call God because he must be missing an angel
-If you were a new burger at McDonald's, you would be a McGorgeous

And the best put-downs:-
-Can I buy you a drink?
Actually, I'd rather have the money
-Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice
-How did you get to be so beautiful?
I must have been given your share
-Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter!
-If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing
-Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out
Okay, get out!

No more easter

In a saturday newspaper, the headline was that the NHS Health Chiefs are banning easter - to avoid offending Muslims.

NHS Grampian are ruling that the Christian celebration is no longer a public holiday and if staff want this day off, they have to use up their annual leave. They insist the controversial move is because the organisation is multi-cultural - so "can't please everyone"
A stunned Muslim leader of Aberdeen's Muslim community said:-

"Where does all this end? Are they going to ban Christmas next so no one's offended? The NHS have totally lost the plot. I know a lot of Muslim doctors and they'd never want to see colleagues missing out on Easter"

NHS Grampian insisted there was no chance of Easter being re-instated.

People turn their nose up at you for saying "Merry Christmas" because it 'should' now be "Happy Holidays". Does that now mean that not long from now, Chritsmas will be canceled? Families wont be able to spend the day together because you have to work on Christmas day? Will things get so out of hand that the whole Christmas idea will be binned? "You cant buy christmas presents. It offends someone of another culture"
I'm not Chritian but I'm shocked at the whole principle of the matter. What's so offending about Easter? Why should Christians lose out on a holiday that's been celebrated since the second century AD?

We're a country of different races and religions. We've lived like this for years. People of the Muslim community don't have a problem with us celebrating different holidays (as stated above). So why is it now a problem? The answer...

We're making it a problem! I'm not talking about you and me. I'm talking about the people in a position to force these changes. The people in Health Care, Education and Government.
Were the general public ever given the choice to voice their opinion on these situations? I know I wasnt! Were you? Were the Muslim community given a chance to voice their opinions? I'm guessing not because a majority of Muslims don't care that Christians celebrate Easter. These people in power are causing a divide between people of different faiths. They are the ones making it a problem. Not us. It's about time that we were asked what WE want. Not being told what these people think is the best way.
People wonder why it seems that we can't all live together. Is this a big example of a real reason? and why are people so scared to point out the whole fucked up government that leads us?

I don't care who celebrates what holiday. Be it Easter or Ramadan. It's your faith and you are well within your rights to celebrate them. NO ONE should be allowed to tell you what you can and cant celebrate. This is a perfect example of how our country is another step closer to being completely fucked up!