Monday, December 07, 2009

4th December 09

I know I haven't written for a while but I've been ultra busy and to be honest, I haven't really wanted to write. So I guess I better pull my finger outta my arse and get motivated.

I ended up putting on 2kg during the mushy stage, I've lost it again just by going onto normal food (early, but I'm not telling the doctor that!) and going back to 3 meals a day. So, I'm back down to 92.5kg. I do feel better, probably because I'm not full of food.

My only problem is, now that the band has healed and the swelling has gone down, it's like I have no restriction whatsoever. I've overeaten so I just hope to Christ I haven't stretched the stomach pouch. I don't think I have, but who knows. I've just got to get my head around eating less. Sometimes I can do it no problem, but sometimes I feel I could eat until I explode. I know it's all in my head but that's my problem. I just can't stop myself. It's like I have a little monster in m y head that keeps pestering me and it won't let up until I satisfy its demands. After that, there's another little monster that berates me to no end because I've let that food monster win. And I feel disgusted with myself.

That's why I really want a fill when I go to see Dr Dolan on Tuesday.l I'm worried that he won't because my port wound still hasn't healed. It's getting better, the nurse is extremely happy with the progress. But knowing my luck he'll refuse to give me a fill until it fully heals. Not happy, Jan.