Joke of the day

A 95 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample.

He turns up 2 days later with the jar empty

Nurse asks "Why no sample?"
He says "Sorry, but I tried with my right hand and then my left. My wife tried with both hands, her mouth, then with her teeth in and with them out. Ethel from next door tried but it was all no good. We just could not get the fucking lid off the jar!"