song for the girls

For all the females out there. You've probably seen it before but here ya go!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on...

But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French Fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!

Go on now..GO!, Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

riddle me this, riddle me that

New feature to our blog (if I can remember about it lol)...I'm going to post a riddle and I want you all to THINK about it. Try and figure it out WITHOUT cheating by looking it up. First one is...

Who makes it, has no need of it.
Who buys it, has no use for it.
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.
What am I?

question

I was watching Big Brother and to win a chinese meal, they had to discuss certain questions of the world. Here's one for you...

Why do humans have eyebrows?

can I survive?!

That is the question that needs to be asked as of tomorrow. My Gran's brother comes up from Corby, England, tomorrow for a whole week and even though he's an ok old dood, he can be uber annoying.

When my Gran was in hospital early this year after having a mini stroke, he came up for a week to be near her. Now, I'm not bitching about helping someone with travel problems to go see my Gran in hospital. That's not me at all. I'm bitching about how boring and monotonous he can be. There's no taking away the fact that he would help anyone in trouble. The main reason is him going on and on about his family in England.
He has two daughters. One he doesnt talk to, the other is a head mistress in some posh school for girls, and this is the fact we hear over and over again. "Linda this" and "Linda that"...ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! With him going on about his daughters highlife, my mum is working herself into the ground to make her house look perfect. So that she doesnt let down my Gran. "Can't have him talking about how unclean we are"

WHAT BULLSHIT! I mean, yeah. It would be nice for him to not think less of us BUT with my mum running herself into the ground to make sure it doesnt happen, she's making herself ill. She works from 7am to 1pm. She comes home and paints/cleans/moves stuff about. Then she goes back to work at 4pm, she's back home for 6pm to feed the horses. Then she's working again at 6:30pm. She'll finally get home at about 8pm and she's back into make sure things are perfect. That's not right! and I cant stay out there and help her because I have to be in town to make sure my Gran has transport to places. All this for some old fart. Makes me mad, it does!

Final Destination 3

I was sent a copy of Final Destination 3 on friday and I have to say...If you've not already seen it, then RENT THIS DVD!

A lot of people would say that by the end of a trilogy, a story is played out, and I'm one of those people. There's only a few trilogy movies that I like and now Final Destination is one of them. I have to admit that the second movie bored me but I still own it on dvd. I expected this movie to do the same. How wrong was I?

The movie is about a group of teenagers in their Senior year and the outcome of visiting a theme park. Much like the other two movies..One of the teens has a vision, which leads to some of the kids getting off a Rollercoaster. One by one, they start to die. The pretty much explains the storyline BUT with the dvd version, you can pick what happens at certain points in the movie. I've now watched 3 different versions of the movie and it's bloody brilliant!

Like I said before, I didnt like the second FD. It seemed to move away from the teen horror genre by having mostly Adult characters, which I think took away the thrill of the movie. I have to admit, the death scenes were excellent but I struggle to decide on anything else that was good about it. FD3 is teen death! It completes the trilogy on a high. The death scenes are brilliant. I'm a gore freak, what can I say? It's well worth seeing. So get your asses down to the nearest place to rent dvds and RENT THIS ONE!

Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
13) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
16) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
17) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
18) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
19) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
20) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
21) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
22) You never ever run out of salt.
23) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
24) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
25) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
26) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
27) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
28) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
29) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
30) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
31) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
32) Bricks are horrible to carry.
33) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
34) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.

For Pet Owners

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
--canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off thefurniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Real Life Documentaries

I know I'm getting old when I start liking documentary programs on TV but I have to say..some open my eyes to things I knew about but didn't really care about, and others have taught me new things (as most do, I suppose). With only having 5 channels to watch, my options are limited but Channel 4 has been keeping me going. Not only because of Big Brother and Gordon Ramsay's F Word but because of the docu's on every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Talking Point - Wednesday Nights 11:05pm
Tonight the docu is called I Love You. And You. And You. It's about Polyamory.

Polyamory refers to the practice of having a consensual, loving relationship that involves more than two people.

Only Human - Thursday Nights 9pm
This weeks docu is called Can't Stop Eating. It's about people who suffer from the rare genetic disorder called PWS.

Prader-Willi Syndrome (PWS). PWS is a rare genetic disorder which affects 2,000 people in the UK today. One of its key symptoms is that sufferers never feel full and cannot control their eating.

Cutting Edge - Monday Nights 9pm
Next weeks docu is called Wedding Days.

This heartfelt film reveals the very human stories of 20 couples, brought together in one moment of time, over a quarter of a century ago.

Last Monday's Cuttin Edge was about The Dead Body Squad.

Once a dead body has been found and removed by coroners, Matt and his team are called in to clean up what is left behind. An undiscovered body quickly begins to decompose and a suicide can leave a very gruesome aftermath, known in the trade as a 'body job'.

Last weeks Talking Point was about The Guy with 80 Wives.

Warren Jeffs, the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints (FLDS), is on the FBI’s 10 most wanted list.

I love watching these documentaries. Anyone in the UK should take time out before/after Big Brother to watch these. You'll enjoy them and they'll really shock you!

2 hours now

This profile is undergoing routine maintenance. We apologize for the inconvenience!

That's what myspace has told me for the past 2 hours of me trying to get on my profile. I know everything went down with myspace and things fucked up a little but COME ON...2 hours is taking the hobnob. I've ran out of my usual haunts to visit. I wanted to get comments over and done with but noooooo....not gonna happen tonight by the looks of things. I might even jump on the "sue myspace" bandwagon by saying they caused uncalled for boredom due to their lack of respect towards a member. "I'm 'avin a thought here, Barbossa"...

update... court action shall be taken on my part!

Site will be down for maintenance from 2:00AM PST to around 4:00AM PST. July 24, 2006.

Post 240

..and it just so happens to be a bitch from me about my health.

Most people who know me can probably remember the hell I had to face around October time last year. The frantic calls to the 24 doctors because I couldn't breath, going to hospital to help control my breathing, being told I had Broncitis, having to start using inhalers...I could go on and on.
Today seems to be the start of all that crap again. I dunno if it's because I've caught a cold but I've got a killer cough, which then makes it hard to catch my breath afterwards. It's also got to the point where I feel like I'm choking while coughing. This is how things started last year and I'll be fucked if I'm going through that hell again!!

So, it's a call to the doctor tomorrow to get checked out. I'm making sure I don't suffer again! Need to go find my codeine pills too. Got a headache from hell because of the coughing. That's my bitch over. As you were

Joke of the Day

JELLYBEANS
A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs and his Mum
was watching him.
The kid had a bag of jellybeans. He put one in his mouth, ate it,
grabbed the cat and bit it.
Then dropped down to the next step, put another jelly bean in his
mouth, ate it, bit the cat again and dropped down to the next step.
His mum wondered what he was doing and went up and asked him.
"I'm playing truckies," said the kid. "Poppin pills, eating pussy and
movin'on."

Pyper

It had to be done. I had to post a pic of my beautiful cat, pyper.

She might be the horror of my life but she's a horror I couldnt live without. I mostly end up screaming at her but at the end of the day, she keeps me company at night. Her purring beside my head, while she massages her claws into her blanket, helps me drift off to sleep without a care in the world.

Scary..

My sunday mornings are taken up with watching repeats of Big Brother, Eastenders, Charmed and Lost. While waiting inbetween shows, I get a chance to read a sunday newspaper. Most likely the News of the World because the sunday magazine has my fav crossword (and yes...the trashy stories that can be printed inside. I can hear you brits thinking that!). Upon reading the News of the World today, I came across a story that somewhat shocked me and then got me interested in reading more about it.

The story? Suicide chatrooms. Now, before anyone reading this runs off to tell their little friends on msn that I'm 'thinking about killing myself', get your story straight. The news article was about a girl, in the UK, who hanged herself in her bedroom. These days that's seems to be pretty popular. I've noticed it more since my mum's bf hanged himself anyway. It seems that this girl liked to visit a chatroom and talked to users who encouraged others to kill themselves. They even gave them tips on what way would be best. They have their own code of talk too. "Bus ride" is a slang for ending your life, and it seems it doesnt just stop with people in the UK. Australia have set new laws because of these sites, Japan have done the same. They have the highest count of suicides... ISP providers can even face death in other countries and all because of these chatrooms. Sounds outrageous to type that but that was in the news article (which I cant find)

I know the internet can be used to find whatever it is you want these days but it's scary to think that people actually sit in those chats and give tips to others that ends up with them taking their lives. Ministers in the UK are being urged to take charge and stop people from gaining access to these sites. The families of victims have told how other countries have stopped them..but you have to ask yourselfs...is it really as simple as that? Anyone, anywhere can open a chatroom, add a java link and advertise it amoungst people they know. Would it be classed as fighting a losing battle? I know one thing for sure. If someone wants to find something on the internet, they wont give up till they do and they'll find other ways and means to get what they want.

You can read a couple of stories I found from the guardian, dailymail and the bbc. If anyone reading this is having any thoughts like I've mentioned or something else they dont think they can cope with, please call your nearest support group. Samaritans in the UK and Australia are very helpful.

New DP

Seeing as the blog is back in business...sort of...I decided to get back into posting my desktops.

Here is my brand new desktop wallpaper. Freshly picked not 10 minutes ago.

(only after spending 2 hours trying to find one good enough)
The other one I really liked has been resized and is now uploaded as my icon on myspace =)

Blogging Play

One of the reasons I decided to get this going again was because of something I watched on TV. In the mornings, in the UK, there's a show called This Morning. I'm never normally up to watch it but the past few days I have. Today, they had an interview with a guy who's written a play about situations people have blogged about. If you dont believe me, you can read about it here.

This guy has surfed UK blogs and come up with 10 characters for his play (5 actors playing double roles). One character is an agraphobic sex chatline operator.
The play, called Bloggers - Real Internet Diaries, premieres next month at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland and will be shown daily at 3.10pm, Smirnoff Underbelly, Edinburgh (3rd - 27th August). There's also a site about the play, which can be read here.

Makes me wonder if I had posted about some weird stuff, would my stories have been part of the play? lol Highly doubtful. I think I might even take a trip down to Edinburgh to go watch this play. It's a 3 hour journey and maybe it wouldnt be worth it, but you have to look at it like this...Maybe it would be worth it and even if it isnt, it's a day away from boring Aberdeen. I'm gonna look into this. What do you all think?

Back to the old days

I decided, and was backed by Luna, to remove the template we had. Now it's back to the old look, which I think is much better. And so does Luna =)
This look will stay for ages..unless something happens to it. Like before.

We've not posted on here for awhile. There's been the odd post here and there but nothing like before. Times are changing and after the break away, I've decided to get this ball rolling again. So stick with us while we get going again.