Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I have to motivate myself

It's been nearly 4 months since Mum passed away. I've done all I can to fix up her affairs, all that I can think of anyway. The only thing I can't bring myself to finish is writing all the thank you cards out for the people that came to her funeral. I've done about half of them, but I just can't bring myself to complete them. It's like the final step, and I really can't face doing it. My dad and I had decided not to send out cards, but, with Italian families, there's the whole "doing the right thing" business. My mum's side of the family, well mainly her sisters, are saying that we have to do it, because it's the done thing. Yeah right, we really can afford to spend over $400 on these thank you cards. Theyre little cards, with the picture of the deceased on the front, a prayer inside, and their name, birthdate, date of death, and where they were born etc. I've counted up the amount of cards I would have had to send out, and it tops 100. So we decided not to do it, and to just get a generic thank you note. Found some really nice ones too. And for $3.95 a pack of 25, cheaper than the alternative. We're not cheapskates, just on the pension its hard. Basically, I think my aunties, well one of them in particular, wants these cards sent out because a lot of HER friends came to Mum's funeral, and it'll make HER look better to these snobby Italians if we did it. Well fuck that. I'm not going to do that just so she can look good in front of her friends. So half of those people have been cut off the mailing list. And if she says anything about it, I'll tell her to go to hell. None of them have even had the decency to come over to see how we're coping, not even a phone call, but we're expected to call THEM. Well, I'm sorry, but she was OUR mother, and wife. But, I could go on forever about my mum's side of the family. Thank god Dad's side is decent!
So anyway, I'm really gonna have to get started on the rest, even though I don't want to do it. Maybe I just dont want closure yet, I dunno. But I really can't let it go on any longer. Argh!!!


nenni said...

After my dad died, I thought about writing thank you cards but I would have had to send over 200 and I'm lazy at my best. So it would never have got done. I know about not wanting closer yet. I was the same and I still am. I dont want closer but when my dad's will was all sorted out after 4 years, I knew he could rest at peace..in a way. He would have gone mad at what actually happened with his will.

If your Aunts are so hell bent on sending those cards, tell them to give you the money OR they could take the time to send them. Over here, we dont really bother with those cards. I've never gotten one from all the funerals I've been to, anyway.
What annoys me the most about someone in the family dying, is that people all gather around you on the day, offer you their help, telling you they'll always be there but when push comes to shove, they aint there at all! I was close with my cousin but after my dad died, she stopped calling. I've seen her at the local supermarket and she turns around and walks the other way so she doesnt have to talk to me. The only person who was actually there was my uncle, who isnt actually family. He was my dad's best friend...now he's gone. So there's just my gran, my mum and me, which is fine by me. I dont have to put up with loads of family shit!

Everything will turn out ok. Just take your time with the cards. There's no rush at all. If anyone complains that it's taken awhile, then they're inconsiderate to your feelings and the big change you've had to go through.

eMMa said...

Hey there. Hope no one else objects to me posting a comment....

Anyways..if your Aunts really feel so strongly about these thank you cards, i'm sure they are quite capable of organising and sending some out themselves. Stick to your guns! You and your Dad don't need that kind of expense. Its not necessary.

As for writing them..take your time and allow yourself to grieve. If anyone else complains about it tell them to go blow it out their bum. If they don't like it, next time I'm in Aussie i'll take a road trip to Perth and we can kick some Italian Aunty Ass! LOL

And closure? Whats that? I don't really publicise it on here but I do know i've told you before. My mum died of cancer 15 years ago. I still grieve for her. I would gladly give my right arm for her to meet my daughter.

Anyways, thats my two cents worth. LoL. Much luf!

LuNaMooN said...

I just had an idea, stuff it, they'll all get a note in with this years Christmas cards. Then I can kill two birds with one stone!

nenni said...

that's good thinking =)