There's a new movie coming out called Hot Fuzz. It's a comedy by the same people who brought us Shaun of the Dead. It opens in the UK on Feb 14th, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and I know I cant wait to see it!!
If you've seen Shaun of the Dead, and loved it as I did, then you're bound to want to watch this movie. Click here to visit the offical website for trailers and all sorts!
Today, my mother and I went to purchase a new puppy and here she is. This is Malika, a Rhodesian Ridgeback. She's 11 weeks old and she was one of two puppies left in the litter. That takes the total of ridgebacks in our household to 3 and the total to 4 dogs all in all. We're running out of space and my mum told me she wants MORE dogs. I don't think I can handle another dog!
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
5. The "hook-up." Need I say more?
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
P.S.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
It's 2am right now and I cant sleep. I'm even typing worse than I normally do and that's saying something. It's a times like these that us Scottish people would say "My head is up my arse" I feel spaced out, seriously!
I decided to have a look at the blog stats and was a little shocked and concerned at what I found. Under the 'keywords' section, someone had used "find a babysitter on myspace"....I have 2 questions about this find:-
1)Who in their right mind would be looking for babysitters on myspace? Wouldnt they just use a phonebook, or word of mouth, to find one? I know I would! DOODS, don't use myspace to find babysitters. WTF?
2) Why the hell were they directed here for that information?!??!!?!!?!?
I feel that these 2 questions may never be answered with correct information. I thought I was seeing things through my 'head up my arse' moment. They were directed here by google. So now I'm on a mission to find out whats on google when those words are typed in. I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I find out for myself.
This past week has seen Celebrity Big Brother UK hit news headlines across the world. It's been talked about by politicians and the public because of the seemingly racist remarks made towards a housemate, Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty.
It all started when some celebrities, Jade Goody (famous for appearing in Big Brother 3), Danielle Lloyd (a former Miss Great Britain), Jo O'Meara (former singer from the pop group S Club 7) and Jade's 'none celebrity in my eyes' boyfriend Jack Tweedy, started talking about Shilpa and making a joke out of her. Jade's mother (Jackiey) first brought it to a head by failing to pronounce Shilpa's name correctly and started called her "The Indian" and "Princess". Since then, things have gone downhill and Goody and Co have formed a group who seem to spend most of their time talking about Shilpa and mimicking her voice. Other housemates realise there's a problem and have done their best to try and calm things down. Some housemates have even been in tears because of the amount of bullying they see around them.
They have passed comments about how she used her hands to touch food, which prompted Danielle to say "You don't know where those hands have been". When she poured the left-over chicken soup down the toilet, they made a comment that there could have been chicken bones in there and it could cause a blockage. Jack then suggested that Shilpa "pick them out with her teeth" to which she replied "There's a lot more I would rather do with my teeth"
Shilpa has been reduced to tears a lot but she told Big Brother that she didnt feel the bullying was meant in any racist way. The public dont agree and thousands of people have complained about the goings on. Big Brother's sponsor, The Carphone Warehouse, have let it be known that they no longer wish to sponsor the show and will withdraw after the show finishes. Jade's perfume line has been removed from some stores because they feel she is being racist and a contract for Danielle had been removed too.
Tonight, both Jade and Shilpa are up for eviction and one daily newspaper are calling for all their readers to vote to evict Jade. Big Brother have also said that tonights eviction will be without the usual crowd of fans waiting for the evicted housemate to leave.
I've been watching every day and I do feel that what they are doing isnt called for at all. I can understand that not everyone can get along and I'm just wondering if there would be so much of a uproar if they were bullying someone of the same race as them. Will this be the kick people need to recognize what bullying actually is? For years thousands of kids have been subject to bullying. I use to be one of them, as I'm sure some people reading this were too. 100's of kids couldnt take it anymore and ended up taking their lives. Will this stop people burying their heads in the sand, and make them sit up and do something about it? To be honest, I highly doubt it. After a while, it will all be forgotten. Like everything seems to be these days. It's a shame that we cant all exist together as mixed race people. All races are to blame. Sorry for saying that because I know there are a lot of good people out there but we have to see it for the way it is. We have to sit up and pay attention and try and do something about it. Starting a war isnt the answer either (although it seems to be for people in power). I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
You can read the story here and there is also links on that page to read past stories about this whole situation.
Who would have thought that the above poster would have adorned 5 million walls since it's release in the 1980's. This poster was considered to cheesy to be art but in 2007 it's considered a collector's item, and yesterday a limited edition print from the posters original negative fetched £2,400 at auction.
The poster that came to be considered the ideal of the "New Man" wasnt without it's share of lies, addiction and tragedy. What people didnt know about was that it was thought up by a gay guy, who later died of AIDS, was shot by a guy who ended up with a drug addiction due to the money he earned, and starred a guy who ended up sleeping with over 3,000 girls.
The poster was created by the Athena chain of art shops after the company's art director, Paul Rodriguez, came up with the idea. The photographer, Spencer Rowell, took the pictures and it was shoot in London in 1986 and took all of 20 minutes to shoot. The model used was Adam Perry, who went on to become a highly sought supermodel. The baby was named Stelios Havatzias, who now lives in Cyprus with his family.
Paul Rodriguez was diagnosed HIV positive and died from AIDS in 1993. Spencer Rowell went on to make thousands after refusing a one off payment and settled for taking 10% of the profit made from selling the poster. He used the huge cheques to fund a lavish lifestyle, which unfortunately also developed him a drug addiction. In 1994 he declared himself bust. Adam Perry was once described as the "worlds most promiscuous man" by GQ magazine. He used his notoriety as a pin-up to bed 3,000 women but financially for him the poster deal was a disaster. He had his fee reduced on the day of the shoot because he turned up with a sunburnt chest. He is now setting up a multimedia business.
The Athena chain didnt escape the curse of the poster and eventually went into receivership. In 1995 all but a few of its 157 store closed down. The only person not to have suffered any curse is Stelios Havatzias. In 2004 he was traced to his family home in Cyprus, where he lives a normal teenage life. He did say that he was only paid £32 for the whole shoot and his family werent even given a copy of the poster. They had to buy it themselves.
With me being only 7 when this poster was created, I didnt see the hype that it caused. Once I hit the age of 15 I wanted a copy of the poster for my wall but never managed to fullfil that dream. These days, I'm going to settle for it now being on my blog.
Today I went for more blood samples for my on-going testing for PCOS. I asked the nurse what my file said about my last set of results and she told me that I had a low level of the hormone SHBG (Sex hormone binding globulin) and the doctor wanted that tested again and also for other things.
Once home, I went searching to see just what this hormone is and found that conditions with low SHBG include polycystic ovary syndrome, diabetes, and hypothyroidism. I'm guessing that it's more than likely that I do have PCOS. What didnt help was me then reading more into the syndrome and seeing...
heavy bleeding is also an early warning sign of endometrial cancer, for which women with PCOS are at higher risk
6 times now I've deleted a post because I cant get the words typed out right. Reading it back, Ive hated every word. For days I've been thinking of something to post on the blog and for the life of me...I cant think of jack shit!
I dont want to go down my usual route of bitching about my gran or my neighbours. I'd actually like to make a post that's worth while to the people reading. Something so interesting that people will leave comments about it and not just wait for the blog explosion count down to finish to get away from the unsightly posts I've posted in the past. Do muses come cheap?.....10 minutes have gone by and all I've done is stare at what I've just typed out...trying to think of what next to say
FUCK, SHIT, ASS, BITCH, WANK!!!!!
No. That didnt help either...another 10 minutes has gone by. The only slightly none interesting thing I can type about it...listening to Rob play the guitar by means of the .wav files he's sending me. I'm looking at a very useless post and watching a very useless live stream of Celebrity Big Brother (UK)...what have my nights come to? Bugger it. I'm going to watch the rest of the Ugly Betty episodes. What a life, eh?
FUCK
Our most versatile word. By its stress and inflection it can describe many emotions. It can be used as a noun (I don't give a fuck), as an objective (It's fucked), as a verb in its transitive form (The game was fucked because of the weather), and in its intransitive form (Well, I'll be fucked), in the present tense (I'm fucked), in the past tense (I was fucked). Many everyday expressions show its true versatility.
DENIAL: I didn't fucking do it.
PERPLEXITY: I know fuck all about it.
APATHY: Who gives a fuck.
GREETINGS: How the fuck are you?
RESIGNATION: Oh fuck it.
DERISION: He fucks everything up.
SUSPICION: Who the fuck are you?
PANIC: Let's get the fuck out of here.
DIRECTIONS: Fuck off.
DISBELIEF: How the fuck did you do that?
The word has been used throughout history by many famous people. Some of the more notable quotations are:
What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima
Look at all those fucking Indians. General Custer
Where's the fucking water coming from? Captain of the Titanic
That's not a real fucking gun. John Lennon
The fucking throttle's stuck. Donald Campbell
Who's going to fucking know? President Nixon
Heads are going to fucking roll. Ann Boelyn
Who let the fucking woman drive? Captain of the Space Shuttle
I thought I could smell fucking petrol. Nikki Lauda
Any fucker can understand that. Einstein
It fucking looks like her. Picasso
Where the fuck are we? Christopher Columbus
I'm forever blowing fucking Bubbles. Michael Jackson
How the fuck do you work that out? Pythagorus
You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling? Michaelangelo
Fuck a duck. Walt Disney
Why? Because it's fucking there. Sir Edmund Hilary
I don't suppose it's fucking raining...Joan of Arc
I haven't got a fucking clue. Miss Marple
Scattered showers, my fucking arse. Noah
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
However, we do realise the importance of staff being able to express properly their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Communications and Planning Department has compiled a list of code phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risking offense to our more sensitive co-workers.
The old phrase will be in bold, the new phrase in italics.
No fucking way - I'm fairly sure that's feasable
You're fucking kidding me - Really
Tell someone who gives a fuck - Have you run that by.....?
No prick told me - I wasn't involved in this project
Who fucking cares - Are you sure that's a problem?
Eat shit and die - You don't say
Eat shit and die, motherfucker - You don't say, Sir.
Kiss my arse - So, you'd like me to help you?
He's a fucking prick - He's somewhat insensitive
She's a ball busting bitch - She's an agressive go-getter
You haven't a fucking clue - You could use some more training
This place is fucked - We're a little disorganised today
What sort of fuckwit are you? - You're new here, aren't you?
Fuck off, shithead - Well, there you go
You're a fucking wanker - You're my supervisor and I respect you
Ha, suck eggs - I wasn't there that day
You're fucking paranoid - So, you're from Sydney
You're fucking useless - So, you're from Melbourne
Fuck off - I'll look into it and get back to you
Fuck off, you dickhead - I no longer require your assistance
How do you get this piece of shit to work - I can't use the photocopier
You fucking loser - Gee, that was unfortunate
This diet was designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day, especially when you have to work.
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice of wholemeal toast, dry
1/2 glass skim milk
LUNCH
1 small lean chicken breast, grilled
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Tim Tam
MID AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of the Tim Tams in the packet
2 litres of Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot chocolate fudge
Nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
Large pepperoni, mushroom and cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large jug beer
3 Milky Way chocolate bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten straight from the freezer.
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a Diet Coke with a chocolate, the calories in the chocolate are cancelled out by the Diet Coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories do not count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecakes.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, such as Jaffa's, Mars Bars, Smarties, etc.
7. Biscuit pieces have no calories, the process of breaking up the biscuit causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of making something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon.
9. Foods that have the same colour have the same calorie value. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
(I've updated this one)
Barbara Walters was doing a 20/20 special on the American Indians.
She was interviewing Indians on a reservation, her escort was a brave with ONE feather in his head-dress. She asked him why he had only one feather. "Me only have one squaw, so me only have one feather" he answered.
Feeling that he might be joking, she asked a brave who had FOUR feathers in his head-dress, and he replied "Me sleep with four squaws, that's why me have four feathers".
Ms Walters was not convinced, so she asked the Chief, who had a head-dress full of feathers. The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief! Me fuck 'em all - big, fat, short and tall, me fuck 'em all!"
Horrified, Ms Walters exclaimed, "You ought to be hung!"
"You damn right me hung! Big like buffalo, long like snake." he retorted.
Ms Walters cried, "You don't have to be hostile."
"Hoss style, dog style, wolf style, me fuck 'em all!" he commented.
With tears in her eyes, Ms Walters sobbed, "Oh dear."
The Chief looked shocked. "No deer! No fuck 'em deer! Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer!"
The only problem with women is men.
Women like the simple things in life - like men.
Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.
When a woman makes a fool of a man, it's usually an improvement.
Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, then they marry him.
What's the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they're drunk.
The average man is proof that women can take a joke.
Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?
A widower.
They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there?
What's an orgasm, Mum?
I don't know, luv. Ask your father.
If you catch a man, throw him back.
What do you call 500 men at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
Men call us "birds". Is that because of all the worms we pick up?
Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy, by remaining a bachelor.
What is the useless bit of skin on the end of a penis called?
A man.
You'll need a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, 2 cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again to be sure it is of the highest quality: pour one level cup and drink - repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and adddd to the bowl and chick in the cup of dried friut, mix on the turner. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriber. Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and check your nuts. Add one babblespoon of drown sugar, or whatever colour you find. Wix mell. Greasse the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 gredees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.
Whonny Jalker
I was searching thru my books yesterday, looking for a jam and pickle recipe book that I'm sure I have, but I can't seem to find. Anyway, before the popularity of the Internet came about, amusing pictures and stories would be faxed around amongst friends, and I came upon some of these that I had saved and forgotten about. So I shall post them, I hope you get a good laugh out of them, some of them are probably still doing the rounds, so I apologise in advance if you've already seen them. Enjoy!
It came to my attention a few days ago that 4 of the new episodes of season 6 of 24 were leaked. That's when every 24 fan started going crazy and downloading them. For days Ive been upset that I couldnt download them. So today I went on the hunt for a website that would allow me to watch the episodes without having to download them (I also found a site that would allow me to watch Lost this way)...
After much searching, I came across a site that answered all my prayers!
For the past 4 hours, I've sat and watched the single most fucking amazing thing in this world. Take my word for it..this season of 24 is a must watch for anyone. Episode 4 is the best episode of 24 I have ever watched and I've watched them all! If that episode is anything to go by, then the rest of the season is going to beat everything they've ever made so far. I'm not going to link the site on here. For my own reasons and because I was asked not to but if anyone reading this wants the link to the website, then please send me a message and I will gladly help you out. I believe its 3 more days till 24 airs in the states and the UK wont be all that far behind in showing this season on Sky One. If you're like me and dont have Sky, then this site will help solve that problem. I'm hoping that it will update with new episodes as they hit the states.
I just have to say this again...ITS FUCKING AMAZING!
A little update from my last post....The doctor finally called me and told me that they found a high level of a certain hormone and that they need to test my blood again and this time, there will be blood taken for about 5 other tests. I've got about another 3 week wait for those results. They said the results didnt come back conclusive that it is PCOS. That's why more tests are needed. Until then, they are putting me in contact with a specialist unit at the local hospital and I know what will happen. There will end up being a waiting list for this unit too. Probably about a month or 2. It's just typical!
I don't know if anyone has ever had to wait 3 weeks to get blood test results back (resluts and this is for Luna to laugh at) but that's what I've had to do. I had two blood samples taken on the 22nd Dec. One to test to see if I was anemic and the other was to test for PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). The anemic result came back the week after, which said I wasnt anemic. Which I kind of knew because I gave blood the week before and if I were anemic, then my iron count would have been spotted then. Today, as you all know, is the 8th January 2007 and so far today I've been on the phone to the doctors 4 times. I've complained and one woman I talked with has taken it upon herself to make damn sure that I find out the results today. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me as I type this.
I've never had to wait this long to get any test result in my life. I suppose you could say this is typical of the National Health Service (NHS) in the UK. I can understand that over the christmas period it is hard to get test completed. People who do this have a life too, and I'm not even laying the blame fully on them. Most of the blame I'm placing on my doctors. I called on friday afternoon and I was told the results were back but the doctor still needed to look at them. I was told to call back in the afternoon, which I did and was told again that the doctor hadn't looked at the results. I was told to call on monday..which brings us to today.
I called in the morning only to be told that the doctor still hadnt looked at the results. I called again at 3pm and was told the same again. That's when I snapped and in the end, the woman on the other end of the phone took pity in me. True to her word, she passed messages onto the doctor and I'm awaiting this phone call.
For 3 weeks I've been worried over this whole PCOS thing. I've been trying my best to put it to the back of my mind but every now and then it pops into my head. Fingers crossed that this phonecall will be a good one but although it could be good, it can also be bad because that means they still don't have a clue what is wrong with me. Lets hope today gets the ball rolling again and faster this time!
Most people outside the UK most likely wont know who Peter Kay is..well I'm here to tell you all about the comedian from Bolton, UK. He has written an autobiography of his life and people will be surprised to learn that its not your usual "..and this horrid thing happened in my life" or "I came to the end of the road and had to be picked up by...." Not that usual stuff (although I'm not saying those types of autobiographies are not worth reading. I've read a few in my time and enjoyed them as much as Peter Kay's book, and I own a few)
Peter Kay centers more on the funny sides of his life. There are a few death stories mentioned but all are talked about in the happier times of that persons life or by talking about the Right Said Fred tune his dog died to. This autobiography kept me in laughs all the way through. He talks about all the jobs he was fired from, the reasons, the funny sides to all his jobs and how a lie on an application form for University finally helped him become the comedian he is today. I highly recommend this book to everyone. Even people outside the UK. I'm sure anyone will laugh at his life story. I give this a rating of 9/10. I'll be re-reading this again once I've read through the 7 James Patterson books I got for christmas !!
A new year has begun and I'm sure most of us are all picking our new years resolutions....
NOT I. Oh no. Not I.
For I have decided that it's not worth my time to sit and decide all my resolutions. I'm refuse to put myself through a night of talking/arguing with myself for something that I know I wont stick to. How many people can say they've actually stuck with a new years resolution they've made? Maybe only a handful of people?
Thou shall not fuck up your life anymore than you already have !!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUNA!!!!!!!
I'm sorry this message is late too. I hope you had a wonderful day and that you have many more to come!
You don't know this but I'm sending loads of love your way :p Thank you for being who you are and for being there for me...and listening to me bitch and moan..and for everything you have given me. You're one in a million and I feel so lucky to have you as a friend! Much love, sweetie!! <3 <3
