Had a bad time

It's been awhile again. I know. Had a rough few weeks...well, months really.

About 3 months ago I started having a wee bit of a bad time. Bad sight in my right eye, dizzy 24/7, people thinking I'm drunk 24/7 because I couldn't walk in a straight line, weird feeling in my legs..So I went to see the doctor. I was in 5 minutes and he said he would refer me to the hospital. I had to go back a few days later to have blood taken.

After an very early start that morning, I headed back home after walking around town with my Gran. My eye felt weird. So I checked it in the mirror. One eye was really small and my left eye was HUGE. The left side of my lip was also droopy and numb. I called the doctors and they asked me to come straight up before they shut for the night.

2 hours later I was in the doctors room and she looked a little worried. After another 15 minutes waiting for her to make some calls, she told me I needed to head straight up to the hospital to the Neurology ward.

After a week of sitting about, having an MRI scan, and a lumber puncture done, my specialist came to see me to tell me I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). He told me I most likely have Relapsing Remitting MS because they think my first episode was over 10 years ago when I lost the sight in my right eye.

I sit here with the struggle of getting by every day with no car (it broke down before christmas), trying to get use to not being able to walk all that great unless I have a crutch, trying to come to terms with the withdrawl of a good job offer I was just about to have (although I'll still be offered it when I'm a bit better) and trying to get my head around the fact I have MS.

Still not read my booklet, looked at any websites and hardly talk about it. Still not ready. I will have to soon. Need to understand what's going on and what will happen about my holiday that I'm having in July. It'll hit me. How hard, or how soon, I don't know. Got to keep smiling for now. It's the only way I can get by day by day.

A few words from me

I guess it's been awhile again. It's not that I mean to stay away. Just Tribal Wars and Facebook seem to be getting in the way. I need to make a stand and say NO to staying away. YES to more posting and OH HELL YES to Daniel being mean!

I guess I'll start off with telling people about myself again. The name is Jenni. I'm from Scotland and I'm not what I use to be. Sounds strange? Let me explain.

9 years ago, in November, my father passed away of Cancer. A year later it became clear to me that I was a shadow of my former self. I got into lots of trouble, I didn't care for myself much and it began to show. One way was in the form of self harming.

It's now 8 years later and I still struggle day to day but I'm getting better. Last week I went to a Red Dwarf convention. Couple of years ago I would never have been able to attend an event like this. Groups of people in rooms? NO WAY but I'm slowly getting better and I managed no problem.

You'll probably be asking my reason for telling people such personal things. It's to make people aware that individuals with a Mental Health problem CAN make it in the real world with a lot of work and positive thinking. I'm not saying it's always positive. Not at all. I'm struggling every day but there is hope in the horizon. Always speak to people. Make your feelings known and try and keep a smile on your face. It's not easy but it can be done.

ANYWAY, I'm going to stop typing now. Need to check my Tribal Wars to make sure I'm not being attacked by some 13 year old with balls bigger than melons because he thinks he's "hard" being in a successful tribe LOL

Take care and talk soon!

2 Tales

Well..if you would call them tales.

I said I would come back and post about my time away in Glasgow, and show pictures of a tour I was booked to attend. Well, disaster struck on Wednesday.

The powers that be decided to torture us with gale force winds in some parts of Scotland and it just so happened to be my town. We got on the bus on time but the winds kept blowing the bus door open while we were driving down the carriage way toward Dundee. What would normally take just about an hour took us about 2 hours, and upon reaching Dundee we were told the bus would need to be fixed. Skip ahead 10 minutes and we're being told we would have to wait until 11am for the next bus to Glasgow. Skip ahead again another 20 minutes and the bus to Glasgow hasn't arrived when it was suppose to (11am). After much rolling of eyes at the guy who wouldn't stop complaining about "Nah makin it hame in time ta ha muh dinner" the bus arrived (which was 20 minutes late)..

We're now on our way to Glasgow but then it dawned on me. We wouldn't make the tour time slot. We wouldn't have made it to Glasgow until after 12pm, and then we would have to check in, and then find the train station, and then find the train to Edinburgh..It just wouldn't have been possible. It's an hour on the train to Edinburgh from Glasgow and we needed to be at The Dungeons between 12.30pm - 3.15pm. There was no way we would make it. So we had to scrap that plan (and the £11.90 I had paid for the tour) until another time when we could come down for a longer stay. To top all this off I felt like complete shit from the bus journey and lack of sleep the night before because of the ass who lives above my flat.

Things ended a little better with a trip to TGI Friday's and their Mac and Cheese bites, and their Jack Daniels sauce on some nice pieces of chicken and then a trip to the local Cinema to watch I am Legend (review to come). I now had to dread the trip home on the bus. Which did make me feel like shit again for the next 2 days. Word of advice...DON'T TRAVEL WITH MEGABUS..Unless you really have to!

My second tale is about my neighbours. It wont be a long post because I had to miss some of the action but in short..Police busted down their door because of drugs. Lots of banging, shouting and swearing..excitement! but I had to leave to go up to my grans. She wouldn't wait. So as I said. I missed most of the action. Who knows..maybe she had an afternoon punter in there? (she is a hooker after all) It's just my luck to have to miss the rest of the excitement. When I came back a council guy was attaching a new door and there was one copper left standing talking to him. I'll have to keep an eye out for any gossip on what happened.

Birthday + Halloween

Whoever says that growing old can be a good thing should be shot at point blank range. Seriously! Yesterday (27th Oct) was my 29th birthday and although I had a really good day...it means I'm one year older and one year closer to hitting the half way mark in my life. Sucks, I tell ya. Birthdays just aint the same like when you were a kid. I wish I had those days again. I mean who would really pass up the chance of living your childhood again? If you really think about it, and there was the option of knowing what you know now, you would do things a whole lot different. Just think of what you could achieve by making sure you paid better attention at school (like I wish), dating that guy/girl you lusted after...the list can be endless. I wish I had done things a whole lot different. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here typing this out. I would have followed my dream and I would be a star in the West End, on the TV or on the big screen. Who really knows? I guess people will just say I'm feeling sorry for myself. You can make up your own mind about that.

On to the Halloween part. For my birthday I decided to treat my mum and I to a night out that could have ended in pure terror! We attended an evening of The Haunted Side of Fyvie Castle. Fyvie Castle is in Aberdeenshire and it is the most beautiful castle I have ever seen. Inside and out. Our evening began at 9pm with mulled wine and orange juice and a talk with the main tour guide of the Castle. Then it was downstairs for dinner of either chilli or vegetable stovies. Then we were moved to another room where a little mini play was performed for us and then it was back to the Dining Room for dessert.

We then split into groups of 17 and each group was taken around the Castle and told all about the history. When we reached "haunted" rooms we were told the different haunting stories. The main haunting that is spoken about is said to be that of Dame Lillias Drummond, wife of powerful Alexander Seton, the Earl of Dunfermline and Chancellor of Scotland. It's said that her husband locked her in the Gordon Bedroom after she failed to give him a son. He told her she wouldn't be allowed to leave that room until she gave birth to a son. She never granted his wish and she died in 1601. 9 months later Seton married his step niece, Grizel Leslie. On their wedding night, in what is now know as the Drummond Room, they were repeatedly disturbed by sighing and moaning coming from the window. In the morning, they found an inscription - Dame Lillias Drummond - facing outwards, distinctly carved with fine lettering into the outside of the window sill, some fifty feet above ground. The inscription is still there, and can be seen during a visit to the castle.

We were taken to the Gordon Bedroom and the guide was telling us a little about the history. She was about to take us into a small room just off from the bedroom when I heard a clink noise and at the same time my mum jumped and pointed. She had seen a large perfume bottle on the dressing table POP open. No one else has seen/heard anything and carried on walking to the other room. When the guide came out I asked her if that sort of thing happened and she said a couple of people had mentioned it before. She then picked up the perfume bottle and held it out for me to smell. There was a strong smell of rose perfume coming from it. She said there had been nothing in the bottle of YEARS. Some times it would have a smell and others it wouldnt. It's said that if there is a smell from the bottle that Dame Lillias was there.

Our tour carried on for a few more minutes and then everything had to come to an end. All in all it was a fucking brilliant night! and I plan on going back very soon before the season finishes. Just in the hope that the bottle top will pop open for us again. I hope you all have a nice Halloween night. Whatever your plans are. Happy Halloween from us all at Online Storm.

Minneapolis Bridge Collapse Raw News Breaking

This is just horrible. It happened during evening rush hour traffic. Over 50 cars/trucks tumbled into the water.

There was a check done on the structure of the bridge two years, and it was determined that the bridge was structurally unstable yet no work was started on it after that and it has remained open. Then this happens. Over a quarter of the bridges in the US are considered structurally unstable. Why is nothing being done about them? Maybe now things will start changing, but it is tragic that the changes have to come after loss of lives.

No hope !

These days I'm really starting to wonder why I want to go after things I want. Everything just comes back to bite me on the ass and it's seriously making me question why I've chosen these paths. The past few days I've been down about just about everything. Take today. It's come to my attention that my dream of being a good photographer might not be as reachable as I thought. When I was younger I could take killer photos. Everyone either wanted a copy of my pictures or couldnt stop talking about them. These days I'm lucky if I get one good photo out of all I've taken with my new camera. Is it me? Am I just not in the right frame of mind, or in the right mood to take good photos? Have I lost that edge I use to have? That ability to see what would make a good photo? or am I just moaning about it too much and I should slap myself, pick myself up and make damn sure I get back to how I once was?

To be honest, if the latter applies to me then that's going to be difficult. Short of someone coming and slapping me silly and telling me to "get a grip", I think I'm on the road of no return, or maybe it's just the time of year. Maybe it's just because of everything I've gone through this year so far. The thought of maybe not being able to have kids. The thought of not getting to be with a someone, even if just for a day, because it's not as easy as I thought to be near. Whatever the reason...it's killing me.

PCOS - Update

New update with my PCOS - I started taking a pill called Metformin.

Metformin is a type of drug known as an 'insulin-sensitising agent', which lowers the blood sugar level, in turn reducing the excessively high insulin. There are actually very few studies that have been carried out and published concerning the use of insulin sensitising drugs as a treatment for PCOS. These suggest that it may well be useful in several areas: helping weight reduction, improving irregular periods (70%), normalising blood cholesterol and leading to ovulation.

I have to take one pill for the first week. On Friday I have to start taking 2 pills and then the Friday after that I have to take 3 pills. Each pill is 500g. So in total I'll be taking 1500g of Metformin daily.

The first day I took the pill I got the attack of the shakes and it was really bad. I went shopping and that's when I noticed the shaking. I also thought I was going to be sick right in the middle of ASDA. The next couple of days were ok but on Monday things were different. I spent most of the day on the toilet and I've felt like crap ever since.

The most common side effects during treatment are diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting and abdominal bloating.

I have two of those so far. I've been told these side effects will last between 1 to 4 weeks and I should start seeing results in about 3 to 4 months. It's only the first week and I'm starting to lose hope already. Oh and it's made my bleeding really heavy. More heavy than before. I have to see my doctor again in 3 weeks time to see how things are getting on. I'm also really hungry!! I've not been eating much because I dont like the side effects. Which isnt smart on my part, I know. I'll keep you updated.

I'd like again to encourage women who think they have any symptoms of PCOS as stated in this post to go see a doctor so you can start treatment. Please dont suffer in silence!

I'm also going to tell you about a blog called Soul Cysters. Started by a woman who's 16 year old Daughter has PCOS. The woman very kindly left me a comment and I've decided to link her blog here for others to read. The URL is here and also listed under Blogs We Read section down the side. Take the time to read her blog if you have any concerns about PCOS or you have PCOS. Thanks!

No Justice

I am complete upset. People complain about all the crime in the world. You see it all over TV and they sit their at their little desks and ask and ponder on how things could of been different with the suspects. The problems start at home and not just with the parents but with our legal system.
The other day Krystal told her exboyfriend that she didn't want to have any more contact with him because even though they haven't been going out for the last 8 months, he is still jealous and obsessive over her. He would get angry when she would go out with her friends and stuff like that. Anyways, my boyfriend's son threatened to beat his ass if he didn't leave her alone (childish, I know). Some of his friends jump Michael a few days later and beat his ass. Then later that night, about 3 in the morning, they beat on Krystal's window and then throw a rock through it. My boyfriend goes out there and by the time he got outside, they were gone. Krystal saw them do this. We call the police and the police just tell us, "Since you can't exactly say who threw the rock, then we can't do anything". What kind of shit is that. Both of those boys should of been arrested. Now we have to fix a broken window, which comes out of our pocket. One of the boys is already on probation.
What is this teaching our children and teenagers? That they can get away with anything and there are no consequences. That is why there are so many people out there harming others. They have been told by the Justice System they can get away with it. Just like with Drugs, they pick up people dealing and using drugs, tell them that if they turn over on so many people they can walk with just probabtion. That puts them right back on the streets doing the exact same thing they were doing. I saw it all the time in my old neighborhood.
It just pisses me off. Someone should stand up and point out that the Justice system in America is screwed up.

PCOS - Polycystic ovarian syndrome

I want to take this time to highlight something that is close to my heart, and that's PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). I've posted about it before because I was going through some tests to see if my problems were caused by PCOS. My next doctors appointment will most likely have the outcome for being told I 100% have PCOS. I'm making this post so that other women might recognise some of the symptoms and then seek help and tests. So here goes. Please read carefully and if anything in this post rings true to you, then please seek help from the doctor.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), also known by the name Stein-Leventhal syndrome, is a hormonal problem that causes women to have a variety of symptoms. Some of the symptoms include:

* absent or infrequent periods (oligomenorrhoea): a common symptom of PCOS. Periods can be as frequent as every five to six weeks, but might only occur once or twice a year, if at all.

* increased facial and body hair (hirsutism): usually found under the chin, on the upper lip, forearms, lower legs and on the abdomen (usually a vertical line of hair up to the umbilicus).

* acne: usually found only on the face.

* infertility: infrequent or absent periods are linked with very occasional ovulation, which significantly reduces the likelihood of conceiving.

* overweight/obesity: a common finding in women with PCOS because their body cells are resistant to the sugar-control hormone insulin. This insulin resistance prevents cells using sugar in the blood normally and the sugar is stored as fat instead.

* miscarriage (sometimes recurrent): one of the hormonal abnormalities in PCOS, a raised level of luteinising hormone (LH - a hormone produced by the brain that affects ovary function), seems to be linked with miscarriage. Women with raised LH have a higher miscarriage rate (65 per cent of pregnancies end in miscarriage) compared with those who have normal LH values (around 12 per cent miscarriage rate).

Any of the above symptoms and signs may be absent with the exception of irregular or no periods. All women with PCOS will have irregular or no menses. Women who have PCOS do not regularly ovulate; that is, they do not release an egg every month. This is why they do not have regular periods. No one is quite sure what causes PCOS. However, the ovaries of women with PCOS frequently contain a number of small cysts, hence the name poly (many) cystic ovarian syndrome. A similar number of cysts may occur in women without PCOS. Therefore, the cysts themselves do not seem to be the cause of the problem. A malfunction of the body's blood sugar control system (insulin system) is frequent in women with PCOS. The result is an inadequate response to insulin (insulin resistance) that can lead to abnormally elevated blood sugar (glucose) levels. The insuliin disturbance is thought to also be the trigger for the development of symptoms such as acne and excess hair growth that is seen with PCOS.

The diagnosis is based on the patient's symptoms and physical appearance. If the diagnosis seems likely because the patient's history contains many of the symptoms described already, certain investigations are done to provide confirmatory evidence or to indicate another cause for the symptoms. These include:

* Blood tests such as
- Female Sex Hormones (at a certain point in the cycle if possible)
- Male Sex Hormones
- Glucose
- Thyroid Function Tests
- Other Hormones, eg Prolactin
* Ultrasound Examination

Your own GP can do the initial blood investigations, ensuring they are carried out at the correct time of the cycle if appropriate. Your GP may be able to arrange an ultrasound scan. Once the diagnosis is made, nothing more needs to be done for some women, eg if their fertility is not an issue, if their weight is within normal limits, and if they do not have excess body hair. If any of the symptoms are an issue, then further advice and treatment, and possibly specialist referral is needed.

PCOS often comes to light during puberty due to period problems, which affects around 75% of those with the disease. Infrequent, irregular or absent periods are all common variations, many finding their periods particularly heavy when they do arrive. The period disturbance is a sign that there is a problem with regular monthly ovulation. So just why do your periods go out of whack when you suffer from PCOS? The main culprit is hormonal imbalance

If you recognise two or more of these symptoms in yourself, make an appointment with your health care provider to investigate whether you may have PCOS. While a cure for PCOS has yet to be found, effective treatment for these symptoms is available.

Feel

I wanted to post lyrics for a song sung by Robbie Williams. It pretty much sums up my last few days and how I've been feeling..

Feel

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I´ve been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don´t understand

I just want to feel real love
Fill the home that I live in
Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I don´t want to die
But I ain´t keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I´m preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That´s why I keep on running
Before I´ve arrived
I can see myself coming

I just want to feel real love
Fill the home that I live in
Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel real love
And a life ever after
I cannot get enough

I just want to feel real love
Fill the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste
I just wanna feel real love
In a life ever after
There´s a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It´s a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I´ve been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand

I'm sorry

Dear uncle,

Today your life changed. Today became the beginning of the end. I've thought about all the times we've talked and laughed but I can't help but feel a complete bastard.
Ever since my Dad died, we've seen less of each other. All the times I've had nothing to do and never once did I come to see you. I've wasted so much time on all the wrong things.
I should have had the right piece of mind to spend more time with you.
I should have insisted that I do your shopping for you.
I should have made you more cups of coffee and toast while I've been with you.
I should have talked to you about my feelings of everything.
And most of all...I should have told you I love you a lot more than I have done.

I cried today. I couldn't help but cry but then I wondered to myself. Do I really have the right to cry as much as I did? Did I cry more because memories of the day my dad told me he had cancer came flooding back to me? And does this make me selfish? The more I thought of it, I realised the answer is no. I'm not selfish and yes. I have the right to bawl my eyes out if I want to because, you see, I don't have to tell you every day that I love you because you know I love you with all my heart. You've been in my thoughts every day. Could have been just for 2-3 minutes at a time but I still thought of you and why did I do that? The answer is simple. You are like a father to me...in my heart. Maybe not in the physical but in the mental way of me thinking.

You've been through so much in your life and you've kept smiling. You've never let your disability stop you from showing your true colours. A man who laughed in the face of every virus you caught, every obstacle that came your way. I know that you are smiling through all this even though inside your heart is breaking. I feel truely honoured to have had someone like you in my life, to have known your life, to have had you as an uncle (even though you're not really an uncle). My Dad always said that you were the best person he had ever known and now I understand why. I still feel like a bastard because it's taken the news that you're dying to make me realise this.

I hope in your heart you can forgive me for not being there like I should have. I hope you can forgive me for being selfish. I hope you can forgive me for not burning your toast enough when I did make it for you. I love you with every piece of my heart. Always have and I always will, and I'm going to make sure you know I do. This isnt the beginning of the end. It's the start of another life of you fishing with my Dad in his little cottage with a stream at the bottom of the garden. He'll have made sure it's full of every fish you ever wanted to catch but couldnt. You'll laugh and joke about the days you both drove taxis for the same firm. He'll take care of you till we all meet again and when that day comes, you'll tell me you heard my message to you. I'll be telling it to you every day for only you and my dad to hear.

Till that day, I'm going to see you as much as I can manage. I'm going to try and make up for every single minute I missed with you. I truly am sorry!

Love you,

Jenni xxxx

-I wanted to write this letter for my Uncle who is dying of lung cancer and doesnt have much time left.

Human rights...my ass!

In our local newspaper on saturday there was a front page story about a paedophile named Steven Leisk who murdered a 9 year old in 1997.

Steven Leisk claims his human rights have been broken and now wants a cash payment. He is locked up in Peterhead prison, a victorian jail where the practice is still taking place with chemical toilets. He is one of 1,400 inmates who are making claims against the fact they are made to slop out.

In 1997, Leisk snatched Scott Simpson while he was playing football yards from Leisk's home. He strangled Scott and then dumped his body. 5 days later, little Scott was found. Leisk was jailed for life with the recommendation he serve a minimum of 25 years. But under human rights legislation the punishment was reviewed and cut to 20 years.

In my opinion, they shouldnt have any human rights! Anyone who murders someone has taken away their human rights. So why the hell should they have any?! Let them rot in jail. It's what they deserve. Prisoners seem to have a better life inside a prison than people living a normal life. Am I the only one who thinks that's fucked up? Maybe I'm old fashioned in my thinking but it should be a life for a life. They have taken it upon themselves to end someones life. Why should they carry on living a life they dont deserve?

I do, however, know about the talk of some experts who believe that killers are born to kill. They have been calling for the death penalty to be stopped so they can study these people. I don't know much on that subject because I havent read up about it but maybe that is a good idea. So we get to know and understand the way they think and why they ended up killing people.

That still doesnt stop me thinking that a life for a life is the way it should be. I'm in two minds about it, to be honest. I do think, very strongly, that they shouldnt have any human rights what so ever. Let them slop out, let them rot. It's nothing short of what they deserve.

No more easter

In a saturday newspaper, the headline was that the NHS Health Chiefs are banning easter - to avoid offending Muslims.

NHS Grampian are ruling that the Christian celebration is no longer a public holiday and if staff want this day off, they have to use up their annual leave. They insist the controversial move is because the organisation is multi-cultural - so "can't please everyone"
A stunned Muslim leader of Aberdeen's Muslim community said:-

"Where does all this end? Are they going to ban Christmas next so no one's offended? The NHS have totally lost the plot. I know a lot of Muslim doctors and they'd never want to see colleagues missing out on Easter"

NHS Grampian insisted there was no chance of Easter being re-instated.

People turn their nose up at you for saying "Merry Christmas" because it 'should' now be "Happy Holidays". Does that now mean that not long from now, Chritsmas will be canceled? Families wont be able to spend the day together because you have to work on Christmas day? Will things get so out of hand that the whole Christmas idea will be binned? "You cant buy christmas presents. It offends someone of another culture"
I'm not Chritian but I'm shocked at the whole principle of the matter. What's so offending about Easter? Why should Christians lose out on a holiday that's been celebrated since the second century AD?

We're a country of different races and religions. We've lived like this for years. People of the Muslim community don't have a problem with us celebrating different holidays (as stated above). So why is it now a problem? The answer...

We're making it a problem! I'm not talking about you and me. I'm talking about the people in a position to force these changes. The people in Health Care, Education and Government.
Were the general public ever given the choice to voice their opinion on these situations? I know I wasnt! Were you? Were the Muslim community given a chance to voice their opinions? I'm guessing not because a majority of Muslims don't care that Christians celebrate Easter. These people in power are causing a divide between people of different faiths. They are the ones making it a problem. Not us. It's about time that we were asked what WE want. Not being told what these people think is the best way.
People wonder why it seems that we can't all live together. Is this a big example of a real reason? and why are people so scared to point out the whole fucked up government that leads us?

I don't care who celebrates what holiday. Be it Easter or Ramadan. It's your faith and you are well within your rights to celebrate them. NO ONE should be allowed to tell you what you can and cant celebrate. This is a perfect example of how our country is another step closer to being completely fucked up!

Celebrity Big Brother UK

This past week has seen Celebrity Big Brother UK hit news headlines across the world. It's been talked about by politicians and the public because of the seemingly racist remarks made towards a housemate, Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty.

It all started when some celebrities, Jade Goody (famous for appearing in Big Brother 3), Danielle Lloyd (a former Miss Great Britain), Jo O'Meara (former singer from the pop group S Club 7) and Jade's 'none celebrity in my eyes' boyfriend Jack Tweedy, started talking about Shilpa and making a joke out of her. Jade's mother (Jackiey) first brought it to a head by failing to pronounce Shilpa's name correctly and started called her "The Indian" and "Princess". Since then, things have gone downhill and Goody and Co have formed a group who seem to spend most of their time talking about Shilpa and mimicking her voice. Other housemates realise there's a problem and have done their best to try and calm things down. Some housemates have even been in tears because of the amount of bullying they see around them.

They have passed comments about how she used her hands to touch food, which prompted Danielle to say "You don't know where those hands have been". When she poured the left-over chicken soup down the toilet, they made a comment that there could have been chicken bones in there and it could cause a blockage. Jack then suggested that Shilpa "pick them out with her teeth" to which she replied "There's a lot more I would rather do with my teeth"
Shilpa has been reduced to tears a lot but she told Big Brother that she didnt feel the bullying was meant in any racist way. The public dont agree and thousands of people have complained about the goings on. Big Brother's sponsor, The Carphone Warehouse, have let it be known that they no longer wish to sponsor the show and will withdraw after the show finishes. Jade's perfume line has been removed from some stores because they feel she is being racist and a contract for Danielle had been removed too.
Tonight, both Jade and Shilpa are up for eviction and one daily newspaper are calling for all their readers to vote to evict Jade. Big Brother have also said that tonights eviction will be without the usual crowd of fans waiting for the evicted housemate to leave.

I've been watching every day and I do feel that what they are doing isnt called for at all. I can understand that not everyone can get along and I'm just wondering if there would be so much of a uproar if they were bullying someone of the same race as them. Will this be the kick people need to recognize what bullying actually is? For years thousands of kids have been subject to bullying. I use to be one of them, as I'm sure some people reading this were too. 100's of kids couldnt take it anymore and ended up taking their lives. Will this stop people burying their heads in the sand, and make them sit up and do something about it? To be honest, I highly doubt it. After a while, it will all be forgotten. Like everything seems to be these days. It's a shame that we cant all exist together as mixed race people. All races are to blame. Sorry for saying that because I know there are a lot of good people out there but we have to see it for the way it is. We have to sit up and pay attention and try and do something about it. Starting a war isnt the answer either (although it seems to be for people in power). I don't know the answer. I wish I did.

You can read the story here and there is also links on that page to read past stories about this whole situation.

Blood Donation

Today, after a rush last minute decision, I agreed to go with my friend, Susan, to give blood for the second time in my life.

I was lacking in my attempts to make sure I gave blood regular. Nurse told me it was nearly 2 years since I last donated. I got my free badge for donating. Chuffed, is me. I'm scared of needles but once you've got passed that horrid needle part, it's no problem at all. So everyone should head out to your nearest blood donation center and give up a pint of your blood. You'll feel good with yourself if you do.

Not a lot of people actually give blood these days. So many people need your blood to survive. So please look into giving blood. Your good deed will help saves lives.

Cystic fibrosis

In the news today, I came across an article that's close to my heart. In the UK, there's a guy who is the Chancellor Gordon Brown. Today its been confirmed that his 4 month old son has Cystic fibrosis (CF).

CF is an inherited condition affecting the glands that produce body fluids or secretions. In CF, these secretions are stickier and thicker than normal. This hinders the functioning of important organs such as the lungs and the digestive system.

Why is this close to my heart? My younger brother died of Cystic fibrosis when he was just 20 months old. I was 4 at the time and dont remember much of what happened but my mum has talked about it with me from time to time.

Faulty Gene
Its exact cause, discovered in 1989, is a faulty gene. To develop CF a baby has to inherit the faulty gene from both parents. About one in 25 people are carriers of CF (2.3 million people in the UK).
Inheritance is autosomal recessive (if both parents are carriers there's a one in four chance the child will have CF and a two in four chance the child will be a carrier but not have the disease. There's a one in four chance that the child will neither have CF nor be a carrier).

It's very possible that I could be a carrier of the faulty gene. I cant remember if I've already been tested or not. I'll most likely be tested when/if I fall pregnant.

Although there is currently no cure for CF, there is a lot of research under way to try to find a cure for CF lung disease through gene therapy.
Children born with CF do not have a normal life expectancy, though it is improving all the time. The average survival is now more than 30 years, but with the best treatment, children today with CF have a greater than 80% chance of living into their late forties.

I dont normally say this but my thoughts and prayers are with the Brown family at this time.

Domestic Violence

Ok, Jen did one on self-harming so now it is my turn.

I have come across a lot of people stating that they feel no sympathy for women who stay in abusive relationships. I want to give a little insite into why they stay in the abusive relationships and then maybe people will stop and think before the speak about something they know nothing about.

In an abusive relationship, the woman is constantly told how ugly and stupid she is, and also that no other man is gonna want someone as fucked up as she is. She is told she can't do anything right and that everything that happens to her or her family is all her fault whether she has any control over the situation or not. Example: The man is late to work, it is her fault because she should of gotten him up earlier. There is no more money for the rest of the week, it is her fault because she went to the grocery store with $20 for groceries for the week and spent the whole $20. After a few years of listening to things like that on a daily basis, she starts to mentally believe what the man says.

Also, women who stay in abusive relationships most times have children and feel that they can't leave because they have no where to go. Which come to find out if very true. While trying to get over my relationship with my ex, I have found out a few things. Unless you have family or very close friends to help you, more than likely you will end up going back to the abusive man. You ask why? Here is why...

Yes, there are shelters that the females can go to with their children, but once they get there, they are required to go to all these appointments and meetings, which they have to either take their children or find a babysitter. Now, how are you going to find a babysitter if you are at a shelter and how are you gonna take your child on a job interview?! There is no accommodations for child care when the mother is trying to find ways to get back on her feet.

Now to the job thing...
Most abusive woman are not allowed to work. It is a control factor for the man. As long as she can't work, she never has her own money and working also helps make a woman feel independent of men. So, if she hasn't worked, she has no references or job experience and ends up having to find a low paying job which most times isn't enough to live off of.

There is low income housing, but in some cases, the female cannot get that because they won't offer low income housing to anyone with negative credit. Sometimes the man makes the female run up bad credit in her name, and when it comes time to try to get housing, she can't because she was never able to pay that credit off.

While, you may sit there and say Women who go back to their abusers are stupid, the woman on the other hand feels that atleast I had a roof over my head and food to eat for my children...I'm going back because I can't make it out here on my own. In all honesty, there is not much help for a female with children to try to break away from domestic violence, unless she has family and friends who are willing to support and stand by her.

I just thought I would share some of that with all of you.