Couple of jokes

Just a couple of jokes for you all.

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the
female brains, because they've actually been used."

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I pulled an older woman at a club last night.

She was a right sort for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a snog and she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter 3 some? I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum you still awake?"